How to Control the Uncontrollable: Taming Anger
By: Colleen Andre, LMHC
Often times we paint anger as an evil and demonic thing that seems uncontrollable. But, what is anger? It is an emotion just like sadness, disgust, joy, and fear. Every emotion is essential to a person in order to function properly. Anger is just another emotion. It is an emotion notifying us that something is wrong. Anger is only dangerous when we let it overwhelm us.
Most people do not have a positive association when they think of anger because of their personal experiences. Often times you witness unhealthy expressions of anger or you experience/enact anger outburst on others. The key to healthy expressions is to not let your anger reach its boiling point.
Here are 3 tips to reducing anger outbursts.
#1 Be Aware
Notice what your signs are when your anger is escalating. Take some time to write down a list of physical and mental symptoms of your anger such as pacing, shaking hands, negative thoughts about a person or self. It is very difficult to implement de-escalation skills when you already reached your max point. Therefore, it is important to know what your warning symptoms to implement these skills.
#2 Timeout
When you are involved in a heated dispute and start noticing yourself becoming increasingly agitated, it is important to call a time out. Ask the individual for a break or time apart to cool down, maybe even setting a time limit for yourself. When your emotions are high logical thinking goes right out the window and that is when you lose control!
#3 Distract yourself
Engage in an activity that will take an immense amount of concentration and focus when your temper is fuming. It is more important to de-escalate yourself rather than increase your rage. When you calm down to a neutral state, that is when you can make wiser decisions. Sitting and thinking about the same issue over and over again can just add fuel to the fire, which can lead you to explode on the wrong person.
Healthy expressions of anger can come about when you learn to steady it. It is important to take control rather than let anger control you. Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to even begin taking control because of years and years of unhealthy patterns. Guilt, shame, and isolation can be some of the consequences that follow anger outbursts.
It is important to seek out help especially if you are finding yourself having a hard time implementing these 3 tips. Take the first step to managing your anger by registering for our anger management workshop or make an individual counseling appointment here.
For more tips and blog posts on anger check out “Tamar Braxton and Domestic Violence- When Anger is out of Control“.